Ramblings of a Redneck Woman

First of all…YAY Syesha made the final 3 on American Idol

That’s as far as she’ll go…it’ll be David and David finale, but I’m glad she made it to final 3…I’m hoping she’ll get snapped up by a Broadway production…she’s very theatrical and has so much stage presence and talent…she’s been my favorite all along

My appointment Wednesday went very well, although I stayed in bed all day yesterday as expected lol.  My doctor decided to change me to Lamictal, which I’ve been wanting to try anyway for the bipolar, in the hopes of weaning me off the Zonegran and maybe even the Celexa.  The constant weakness I experience is from the Zonegran.  She thinks its possible that my episodes aren’t entirely seizure-related but possibly cardiac-related due to some of my symptoms, and wants me to see a cardiologist (a different one this time, the one I saw last time I wasn’t happy with and we had a good laugh when she referred to him as bipolar lol).  She suggested a trip to Jackson for video monitoring but I’m hesitant…its like when you take your car in to the mechanic…if you can’t get it to replicate the problem, its a wasted trip.  I don’t want to drive 3 hours and spend the night if I can’t be assured of a good result…and I can’t predict when I’m going to have these episodes.  If I could call and go when I start falling, that’d be different, but we’re not sure yet if I can do that…we’re checking in to it.  If I can, then I’ll go.  If I have to schedule it, I don’t think I will.  When I start falling, I tend to do it in clusters…several in the same day…but then I’ll go a few days with no falls at all…therein lies the problem.

Anyway, it was a great visit…I think the doctor and Justin just didn’t hit it off…he has a way of rubbing people the wrong way with his tone of voice and all…I’m used to it and know that he doesn’t mean things the way he SOUNDS but most people think he’s just hateful when they meet him the first time lol.  He’s just blunt and direct and to the point…he doesn’t beat around the bush and doesn’t “make nice” very well.

I also called and made a visit with my GYN…time for that yearly visit that we ladies all love so well, and I’m going to see about “getting the plumbing yanked.”  I have enough worries with having cancer twice already, and I’m having issues again, and I just don’t need the further grief, plus last year my doctor thought it was a good idea and I resisted because I was “still young.”  Well heck, I’m 38…I don’t think I’m going to have any more kids, not to mention I’ve been warned NOT to have any more kids lol.  I think its time.

So anyway.  I’m going back to bed.  Its almost noon and I’m still nauseated and wiped out.  I can’t wait to wean off the Zonegran, but I have to be on the Lamictal for a while first and see if it helps before she weans me off the Zonegran…so at least a couple more months.  At least I’m catching up on all the sleep I’ve missed for the past twenty years…

I’m bored.  Its 1:00 p.m. and I’m waiting for Mom to get here to take me to my neurologist’s appointment.  Its not until 4:00 but I think we’re going to go grab a bite to eat (must remember to stay away from high grease content this time lol) and then head on up to the doctor.  My insurance hasn’t paid a dime to the neurologist’s so I have to pay a pretty big amount when I go in this time…I’m pretty perturbed about this…even if she’s out of network, my insurance should still pay at least 50%, so something is going on somewhere.  I haven’t gotten an EOB (Explanation of Benefits) from Aetna either like I usually do, but the doctor’s office showed me where they filed…something is just screwy.  Justin has been so busy, he hasn’t had a chance to check on it, and the information he sent me had a wrong password and I couldn’t log in to check it online, so we’re going to get together tonight and try to see what’s going on.  I can’t afford $500-700 in specialist fees right now.  I’m not terribly happy with the results I’ve had lately anyway, and if I can’t get some answers soon, I’m probably just going to see if I can make an appointment with a neurologist at Ochsner’s.  If I have to drive an hour to see a specialist, I might as well drive an hour and a half to a place that so far has provided me with excellent care and I know has no issues with my insurance.  Besides, a second opinion couldn’t hurt, especially since I’m falling again.

I have a new guilty TV addiction…Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels.  I love this show *blush*.  I don’t know why…but I do.   Justin rolls his eyes and gets disgusted when he sees me watching it, but I get a real kick out of this family.  I just love Sophie to death (and she does NOT look 13-14…heaven help me, but Katie is 12 and starting to head that direction too…oh man!).   So anyway, I don’t think I like the KISS music any more than I did before (some of their songs I liked) but Gene the family man I do like

OK gotta go finish getting ready…I’ve blabbed enough.  One more thing…I sure hope Syesha doesn’t go home on American Idol tonight…but I’m afraid she will…(I think its past time Jason Castro went though!)

Sunday was a blah day…I didn’t get on the computer…I slept most of the morning…the migraine was gone, and the nausea was mostly gone but still kinda there…all in all I was sick but not really sick…its hard to explain.  I stayed in bed all day basically.

Monday dawned bright and early and I woke up and…felt…normal.  Wow.  I hopped out of bed and got showered and shaved and perked up and dressed (gasp…I hadn’t been dressed in a week) and wondered “What now?”.  I went and checked the mail and my child support had come.  So I arranged a trip to town to deposit said child support into the bank, and on the way back picked up Sonic.  Mistake #1.

Why a mistake?  Well…I’d been nauseated and vomiting and *other things* all week with this little bacterial thing going on, and basically eating fairly bland foods all week.  Those cheese sticks tasted SOOOOO good though….the first time that is :)  Not so much the second time I tasted them…but that’s ok because they were definitely worth it!  I guess my body wasn’t quite prepared for the grease content.  Oh but they were sooooo good.  Yep.  Definitely worth it.  In fact, if I had a ride, I’d go get some more right now, even though I’m nauseated as I type this.  Yes, I am a glutton for punishment.  Only in the deep south would you even consider getting something battered and deep-fried while you fight to keep from tossing your lunch.

Afterwards I spent the afternoon lying on the front porch because the temperature was in the low mid-to-upper 70’s but there was a really cool breeze blowing and it was overcast and it just felt so nice outside, it was a crime to lie inside.  I’d been lying in bed for weeks in a darkened room, and I just felt like I needed some fresh air.  So yes, I did sleep the afternoon away, but it was in good southern tradition, on a swing on a front porch, just as Mother Nature intended ya’ll.  VERY relaxing.

I got up about 3:30 and realized my energy was pretty much gone, and kids and Justin would be home soon and I really didn’t want him to have to cook, so I cooked the supper real quick (it was just spaghetti) and left it warming on the stove and went to lie down in the bedroom until everyone got home and had supper.  Then I felt better and got the *brilliant* idea to go berry picking (note the sarcasm).  We all trooped out as a family into the pasture and picked dewberries for about 40 minutes and got about a gallon for our efforts…I’m hoping it’ll be enough for a decent cobbler…I almost didn’t make it back into the house though, and every muscle in my lower body trembled for about 4 hours afterwards…it was kinda funny.

I had trouble sleeping all night after that, kept waking up and tossing and turning, and I’ve fallen three times so far today (by fallen, I mean, had three seizure episodes).  I go back to my neurologist tomorrow.  I won’t let her increase my medication again…I can’t take sleeping 20 hours a day again…I’m still sleeping 14-16 a day, and that’s way too much…the only reason I don’t sleep more than that is because I force myself to get up and get moving.  I need a different therapy I think…something isn’t working…I guess we’ll see how tomorrow goes…wish me luck

you take ‘em both and then you have…the facts of life…anyone remember that?  I used to love that show.  Mrs. Garrett was great, but I loved her on Diff’rent Strokes too.  Jo was my favorite character on Facts of Life.  Oh and who can forget George Clooney with a mullet? lol

Anyway.   Good news.  Woke up this morning…migraine all gone.  Head feels bruised, like I’ve been beaten badly by the entire Yankees starting line-up, but that’s pretty normal for a post-migraine day, especially when its been several days running.  My hair hurts.

Bad news…I’m prone to these nasty little bacterial infections from the repair they did with the whole liver/bile duct thing back in 2006.  So, several times a year, I must deviate slightly from my monotheistic approach and bow to the porcelain god for a few days (among other forms of worship).  There’s no real treatment other than a $30 co-pay to the doctor and an expensive antibiotic that makes me feel like crap and has not made it go away ANY faster that I’ve been able to tell, not to mention has made the nausea (and other *ahem* symtoms) worse, so I’ve learned just to tough it out.

Thus…Technically I’m worse, but because the migraine is gone, I feel better than I look.  I have a grayish pallor (my 5 year old asked me if I was going to be a vampire for halloween) and I am ALMOST out of the 120’s weight-wise (nice side-effect there!) but I don’t really like going for the “gaunt” look.  My twelve year old was holding my hand last night and asked me why my skin was transparent.  Hmmm maybe not such a good sign.

So anyway, I’m on the mend…it just might be a few more days before I have the energy to get up and around and back to my normal activities, but as you may be able to tell…my twisted sense of humor appears to be intact

of the migraine that is.  Slightly better…if I stay prone, its just a dull throb.  If I sit up, its a hard throb, and if I stand, it explodes.  So, I’m staying in bed.  I only sat up long enough to type this short update.  Sorry guys and gals.  I know I haven’t been around much at ALL the past month and a half or so due to the increase in my meds knocking me for a loop and still not being over that, and now the migraine and all, but I’m trying.  Hopefully I’ll be back to normal (well, “normal” for me anyway) soon.

Still have the migraine (ow) but found out that my CT was fine and my AFP was 3.8, up slightly from last time, which was 2.5.  Still well within normal (0-10) so all is good.  They’ll see me in one year

Going back to bed now.  Thanks for the well wishes.

‘Nuff said.

Haven’t been able to get in touch with my surgeon’s nurse about my test results from last Friday, so I know nothing yet.  Considering they haven’t called me either…I guess I’m ok lol.

I managed to stay awake most of the day yesterday, did some laundry, even cooked supper.  I did pass out around 7:00 p.m. and slept until just after 10:00 a.m. so I’m still pretty worn out, but it looks like the days of sleeping 20 hours may be behind me *crossing fingers and toes*

I’m sleepy and exhausted all of the time, but I push myself through the day, and I’m hopeful things will get better.  Its cold today…in the sixties (it’s been in the eighties and nineties) and that may be making me sluggish too.  I just want to stay snuggled in bed and watch TV but I’m getting up and getting dressed (eww) and getting moving.

Thanks for the comments…they made me smile :)  Hopefully I’ll be back to normal soon…I’m still only on the computer about 20 minutes a day (down from about 18 hours a day when I’m feeling normal lol) and I just don’t have the energy to go visit everyone I usually do, but know that I’m thinking of ya

I love you guys too

We got home Friday after a very disappointing doctor’s visit (my surgeon was in transplant…had two come up…so we had to see a surgeon who had no clue who I was or my case or anything) and really I got no answers.  My AFP results weren’t back yet (the most important part of the bloodwork) and the CT results weren’t back yet either.  So I’m waiting today for Mary, the nurse, to call with those.

Let’s see…the IV held until the very end as they were pushing the dye through…I was praying the entire time, and the last 10ml or so the vein blew, and let me tell you, when even a drop of that dye hits the tissue outside the vein, its an excruciating pain like you’ve never known…so when a couple teaspoons hits…oh man.  I was writhing around on the CT table but praising God that it held as long as it did.  After that, I went for labs and it took 4 sticks to get my 3 tubes of blood.  Once upon a time I had wonderful veins…apparently those days are over.  Thanks liver cancer.  I owe you one.

By the time I’d waited and waited for my surgeon then got in with the other one who told me NOTHING, it was after 12:30, and I’d had nothing to eat since around 6:30 the night before.  Justin drove me straight to the mall and got us some lunch…at which point I realized the noise and crowd were getting to me, I was extremely nauseated from all the contrast and dye I’d had, and I felt like I was going to pass out, so we left and ate in the van in the parking lot.  It was after 1:00 p.m. at this point.  I slept the two hours it took to get home.

We stopped to get Bekah, then stopped at Marble Slab for ice cream (sweet cream and strawberries…yummy) and then got home…I changed into my old faded holey nightshirt and crawled into bed and proceeded to stay there until about 10:30 a.m. this morning.  I got up to throw up, um…other things *cough cough blush blush*…drink water, eat a couple bites, and that’s it.  I’ve had a real problem with constipation ever since the surgery they did to stop the bile leak back in 2006, and well I think that little problem is cleared up for now.  Something about the contrast and the dye…I don’t know, but I was very violently ill when I got home, and I literally slept non-stop from Friday until today, waking up only when absolutely necessary.  I think Carrie called…but I don’t remember real well?

So anyway, I’m alive…weak, but alive.  Oddly, I haven’t lost any weight.  How unfair is that?  Oh well.  I’m well-rested at least.  I’ve broken my record of blogging every day, and that makes me sad, but it couldn’t really be helped since I was practically comatose all weekend.

Now however, I’m going to go back to sleep…I’ve eaten breakfast and taken my morning meds, and they always make me nap for a couple hours at least, and I’m feeling the nods coming on.  I’ll try to post before I go into a coma next time

*hugs*

I’m waiting to see my surgeon…I only had one stick to get my IV :)  It tried to blow a few times, but with great luck and a lot of prayer, it held until the very end…it blew right at the end and a little contrast leaked out into my hand (boy did THAT hurt) but we made it

Blood work required 4 sticks, but it took something like 7 last time, so that’s a definite improvement as well :)  I couldn’t eat because the cafeteria was closed until 11 and my appointment is at 11, so here I sit waiting.  Hopefully all is well